<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Congo by feebomon</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24309937">The Congo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/feebomon/pseuds/feebomon'>feebomon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ER (TV 1994)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Congo lovin', F/M, Gillian gets in the way, John is terrible at French, John tends to puke when under stress, Luka is a somewhat trash person, M/M, confused boys hurting each other, kissing boys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:28:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24309937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/feebomon/pseuds/feebomon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John joins Luka in Africa, and their previously tentatively budding friendship develops into something else entirely.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Carter/Luka Kovač</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Congo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written back in 2005 - a true piece of <br/>juvenilia! My first go at writing ER fic after only seeing some of season 9 and 10.</p><p>Some major references of the episodes “Kisingani” and latterly “The Lost” and “Dear Abby” to help ground the plot.</p><p>Style note: Written with a co-author via text messages, hence the numbering and POV switches, brevity in places etc. The numbering gets a bit messed up but I think it's all there!</p><p>I wrote Luka's sections and my co-author did John's.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1.John throws some water on his face, disappointed as this seems to somehow make him even more frustratingly hot. Leans against the wall for a moment, not quite ready to go back out onto the crowded wards. His mind drifts back to Luka's whereabouts, hoping he's ok. He laughs to himself at the thought that as only a few weeks ago Luka was the last person he would have wanted to see but now the prospect of his return is all he can think about.</p><p>2. Luka curses under his breath as he tries to keep pressure on the young soldier's wounds as they are thrown about in the darkness of the back of the truck, adrenaline coursing through him in the wake of the skirmish and the mad dash, made worse by the fear that they may be being followed as they speed towards the clinic.</p><p>3. John reluctantly goes back into the ward, his heart feeling heavy, the heat and the turmoil of working in a war zone already taking it's toll. His mind still on Luka, worried about his wellbeing, yet also hoping for his return, hoping he can help him make sense of it all.</p><p>4. The truck skids a little on the wet ground and they finally come to a halt, the horn blaring. Everyone jumps out and Luka helps Jacques carry one of the wounded men to surgery, shouting instructions to everyone in the vicinity, wondering vaguely if John has arrived yet.</p><p>5. John's insides constrict as he realises the van contains Luka and this panics him almost more than the multiple casualties that have suddenly been thrust their way. He goes into autopilot trying to treat the patients, anything to stop himself thinking about the goosebumps forming on his arms when Luka brushes against him.</p><p>6. Luka steps back after a while, just watching John as he does his best to treat the patients, watching his face fall as he realises just how limited their medical supplies are, especially as the lights start to flicker and go out. Feels a sharp pang of guilt as he thinks he should have prepared John more for living and working in a war zone.</p><p>7. John gets carried away trying to save one of the patients, becoming more and more frustrated at every turn as he realises how simple it would be if they had more supplies, holding back the tears when even their light is lost.</p><p>8. Luka watches John as his efforts to save the soldier become more and more desperate until he is the only one working on him. Steps forward, laying a hand gently on John’s shoulder, knowing it is hopeless. "John…"</p><p>9. John turns to look Luka in the eye solemnly, realising there really is nothing he can do, quickly having to lower his head, closing his eyes to fight back tears, all the while trying not to flinch away from Luka’s touch. "I know…"</p><p>10. Luka finds himself not wanting to let go of John, seeing how upset he is. Finally manages to just squeeze John’s shoulder in some semblance of comfort before walking off to the makeshift doctors’ lounge.</p><p>11. John slumps as everyone leaves the room, watching Luka retreat into the lounge before snapping and pulling off his scrubs and gloves, throwing them carelessly to the floor. Washes his hands, throwing water on his face to try and calm himself. Eventually he goes into the lounge, finding Luka at the table and pulls up a chair. "Hey."</p><p>12. Luka takes a long drag of his cigarette and nods his greeting to John, gauging his mood after the events&gt; "Hey…" Considers John’s tired expression with understanding. "When did you arrive?"</p><p>13. John sighs, rubbing his tired brow. "Six days ago." Watches Luka for a moment, glad to finally be alone with him, hoping he might finally be able to make sense of it all.</p><p>14. Luka reaches out to pat John’s arm. "You did a good job in there… tried your best…" shrugs a little, hoping his words go some way to reassure John. "You’ll get a bit more used to it"</p><p>15. John rubs his temples, it all getting on top of him a little. "I guess… Maybe having one less mai mai on the earth isn’t so bad?" Looks into Luka’s eyes as if searching for answers that are unforthcoming, very aware of his touch until Gillian enters and he flinches away.</p><p>16. Luka is just about to answer when Gillian walks in, and instead he moves away from John almost guiltily, pulling a chair up for her. Smiles slightly as she pours three extra strong drinks.</p><p>17. John’s eyes widen as he sees the drinks Gillian is pouring, figuring he needs a good stiff drink to clear his head. He takes the drink, only managing a sip before shuddering with the strength of it.</p><p>18. Luka transfers his attention back from Gillian as she announces meaningfully that she is going to bed, taking the vodka with her, and looks at John again, trying not to smile as he splutters a little from the strength of the drink, thinking that he wouldn’t have a chance against the Croatian spirits he’s used to drinking. Takes a sip from his own glass. "So, how’s Abby?"</p><p>19. John frowns a little at Luka’s question, suddenly wondering what his motives for getting him out here were, concerned that he seemed to think he would jump straight into bed with Gillian with Abby at home. "She’s fine I guess- look, I didn’t sleep with Gillian!" Smiles despite the growing sick feeling in his stomach.</p><p>20. Luka digests this information and finishes his drink, weighing up the difference between John and Gillian’s company before giving John a questioning look. "So you don’t mind if I…?"</p><p>21. John feels a pang of jealousy and despite his better judgement answers Luka and in trying to hide his feelings he over compensates, babbling insincere words of encouragement.</p><p>22. Luka stubs out his cigarette and gets up, knowing he shouldn’t really just leave John, but is unsure of what else he should say to him. "Well, goodnight…" Walks down the hall, hesitating for a second before letting himself into Gillian’s room.</p><p>23. John shakes his head, downing the rest of his drink before going back to his own room, hoping his dreams will help him understand everything without Luka’s help. When he gets into his bed he realises just how thin the walls are, hearing every giggle, every squeak of the bed from the next room even as he wraps his head in his pillow.</p><p>24. After a while, Luka quietly opens the bedroom door, leaving Gillian fast asleep on the rumpled sheets. Doesn't attempt to hide the big smile on his face, and this combined with his open shirt and mussed hair makes it clear exactly what he had just been doing.</p><p>25. John pads blearily out into the corridor to go to the bathroom, his bed clothes soaked through with sweat from merely sleeping in the sweltering heat. Looks through unfocused eyes at Luka as he comes out of the room, grinning like a Cheshire cat, a pang of jealousy sweeping through him, for some reason transfixed by Luka’s messy hair.</p><p>26. Luka starts a little as he sees John, not having expected anyone else to be up in the middle of the night after an exhausting day. Realises too late that they are both headed towards the bathroom, feeling somehow embarrassed at having to face him. "Er… hi…"</p><p>27. John frowns, partly to himself as he fully registers Luka's presence, his voice sounding brisk and aggressive. "Hey." Almost storms away, swinging open the bathroom door testily, angry at himself for feeling jealous and also inexplicably angry at Luka for sleeping with Gillian, having sensing from Gillian's behaviour that the last time didn't work out so well, trying to figure out what's going on with him.</p><p>28. Luka raises an eyebrow, puzzled at John's attitude, hastily stepping out of the way as he barges into the bathroom before him. Leans forward a little to talk through the door, wondering what's made John so angry. "Something wrong?"</p><p>29. John leans his forehead on the bathroom wall, cursing himself for being short with Luka, knowing he's being irrational but can't quite quell his annoyance. "I'm fine, I just realised a few things is all…"</p><p>30. Luka frowns slightly, thinking John sounds anything but fine, although he tries to answer nonchalantly, wondering if a joke would cheer John up or just irritate him further. "Like what? There's no hotdogs or decent coffee in the Congo?"</p><p>31. John feels his blood rise, getting more angry with every passing moment, at the back of his mind knowing that any other time he would have chuckled. "Not quite, but I think I just realised something else, it's impossible to talk to you…" Washes his hands, nearly throwing the soap across the room with the force of his anger-fuelled scrubbing.</p><p>32. Luka looks puzzled, unsure of what John is getting at, hearing him clattering about behind the closed door. "What do you mean? You can talk to me anytime!" Tries the door handle but finds it locked.</p><p>33. John feels a pang of guilt, even as he opens the door to face Luka, trying to convey his attitude is still confrontational even as he has to tilt his head up to look Luka in the eye, his stomach doing a flip, his resolve to finish what he can't get himself out of weakening as he does so.  "You could have fooled me... I should have guessed that you only came out here because you'd run out of women in Chicago." Instantly regrets saying that, especially as his own reasons for being there were not entirely selfless.</p><p>34. Luka scowls, John's words hurting him more than he'd like to admit. Grabs John's arm, propelling him back into the bathroom and shutting the door. Tries not to raise his voice, aware of the people asleep in their rooms. "Why are you saying these things? I thought we'd finally started being civil to each other?!"</p><p>35. John's heart pounds, completely unprepared for Luka's reaction, especially as Luka now had him trapped in such a confined space. "So did I, Luka, but then you called me all the way out here seemingly to make snide remarks about Abby and I on a new continent!"</p><p>36. Luka's eyes narrow, John's accusation not making any sense to him. "I didn't force you to come here!" Knows there must be something else at work and takes the plunge. "Whatever problems you and Abby are having, John, don't take them out on me…" Guesses he has gone too far but is too irritated to care.</p><p>37. John's shoulders sag as he gives up, the harsh reality of Luka's words feeling like a stab in the heart, wondering to himself if his sudden attraction to Luka may be because of his doubts about Abby. "You're right, I’m sorry, Luka" Can't help but look sheepishly at Luka, still fighting the urge to reach out and touch him.</p><p>38. Luka watches as all the fight goes out of John before his eyes, and he knows he guessed correctly, feeling bad for him. "It's alright John…" Runs hand soothingly down John's back.</p><p>39. John feels a shiver follow Luka's hand, his skin turning to gooseflesh under his t-shirt. Nervous, he rubs his temple as he talks, avoiding Luka's eye, fearing he wouldn't be able to resist kissing him. "No, it really isn't, it was clear from the start Abby and I was a disaster waiting to happen, I’ve got no right taking it out on you."</p><p>40. Luka smiles slightly, intensely glad that the problem isn't between him and John, finding it difficult to be sad that his relationship with Abby isn't working out. Realises his hand is still lingering on John's waist but doesn't feel like moving it. "Well, you can talk to me about it whenever you need to, ok?" Finally moves his hand.</p><p>41. John smiles, glad Luka isn't mad at him, acutely aware of the hand resting on his waist. Squeezes Luka's arm companionably. "Thanks Luka, there really isn't much to talk about, but I really appreciate your concern." As Luka moves his hand away, John's heart sinks, missing it's presence immediately. He finally meets Luka's eye, impulse overrides his rational thought and before Luka goes to leave he closes the space between them, kissing him tentatively.</p><p>42. Luka closes his eyes as their lips meet, too stunned to react for several moments, unable to think about anything besides how soft John's lips are against his. Tries to tell himself that John is just showing his gratitude, ignoring the stirring deep inside him that the contact is causing. Pulls away slowly, touching John's cheek gently with a smile.</p><p>43. John feels like his insides are melting as his lips touch Luka's, feeling lighter than air as he senses Luka's reluctance to pull away, his paranoia about overstepping the mark fading away with each moment that he feels the softness of his lips. Finds himself blushing as Luka finally breaks the kiss, delighted to see him smiling, his skin hot beneath Luka's fingers, still feeling completely under his spell. "Sorry…" Can't quite understand himself why he is apologising, feeling like the kiss is the only thing he's not regretted doing in months.</p><p>44. Luka shakes his head, and finds his voice after a moment, forcing himself not to be affected by the kiss. "Don't apologise…" Vows that he will help John adapt to their conditions and surroundings over the coming days, berating himself for the poor start he has made. Eventually realises they are still standing very close to each other and finally moves away from John, reaching for the door handle. "I guess we should both go to bed…"</p><p>45. John's eyes widen imperceptivity at Luka’s words before he realises Luka means the more sensible option. Caught between disappointment and relief, he nods his head before making for the door, his mind reeling as his lips still tingle from their kiss.</p><p>46. Luka smiles, wishing John goodnight before going to his own room, having completely forgotten why he went to the bathroom in the first place. As he climbs into bed, he is unable to stop thinking about their kiss, still feeling it burning on his lips, despite telling himself it was only a friendly gesture.</p><p>47. John's eyes linger on Luka as he retreats down the corridor, allowing himself a smile as he notes that it is his own room he is heading to this time. Touches his lips as if hoping to find a source of Luka as he walks back to his own bedroom, his bed suddenly seeming a lonelier place.</p><p> </p><p>The next day…</p><p> </p><p>48. Luka settles down in one of the chairs by the lake, looking forward to what will hopefully be an hour or so of quiet after the busy day of vaccinations at the clinic. Pops open his bottle of beer and stretches out his legs.</p><p>49. John sees Luka sitting by the river and heads over to join him, taking him a bottle of beer. Fights back a yawn, still suffering from the sleepless night their last encounter caused, his muscles protesting with every movement. As he gets closer to Luka he feels his stomach flip, the sight of him relaxing by the river all too alluring. "Hey…"</p><p>50. Luka smiles as he sees John. "Hey…" Sips his beer and listens to the muffled explosions in the not so far distance, but still feeling somehow calm as he looks out over the water.</p><p>51. John pulls up a crate, placing himself at Luka’s feet, looking to him almost for reassurance both for their safety and that he’d not made a fool of himself by kissing him. "They’re getting closer…"</p><p>52. Luka looks at John, then away again, disconcerted by his open expression&gt; "Yeah, a mile, maybe two…" Finds himself hoping that John hasn't come over to talk about their -friendly- kiss, and how much of a mistake it had been.</p><p>53. John tries to relax but sighs, his frustration refusing to die, looking to Luka with an earnestness he hopes doesn't show how much this experience is shaking him up. "I wish we could do more…"</p><p>54. Luka senses John's frustration, and swigs his beer while trying to work out what to say to him. "John, we vaccinated two hundred children today. When was the last time you saved two hundred lives in one afternoon, hmm?" Gives John a long look, hoping he understands. "You're helping people more than you think…"</p><p>55. John nods slowly, taking in the weight of Luka’s words, his admiration for him growing even further. "How do you do all this? Walking into another war zone to fight the good fight?"</p><p>56. Luka lowers his eyes, unsure how to answer John's question, unwilling to talk about his past. "I just like helping people I guess…" Smiles a little, looking back up at John. "So I think I will help *you* with your French. It really is terrible!"</p><p>57. John laughs, smiling fondly at Luka and holding his hands up. "I've not used a word since high school, gimme a break!" Looks out on the water and back to Luka, pondering the beauty of each and trying to look as if he's considering his language skills instead, still worried that Luka may not have seen the meaning in their kiss that he'd hoped. "I guess I could use a little tuition though…"</p><p>58. Luka's smile widens a bit, glad that John is willing, eager to spend more time with him and ease his stay. "Ok, well, we could start with medical equipment, or parts of the body... or phrases to say to patients?" Bites his lip to stop himself laughing at the memory of John's awful pronunciation earlier.</p><p>59. John smiles, seeing that Luka seems to be quite entertained by the notion, his smile lifting his spirits immeasurably. "Ok.... anything past bonjour or lavage is beyond my limits at the moment so do your worst!"</p><p>60. Luka nods in a determined fashion, wondering if John's well documented reputation for fast learning is true. Leans forward a little, warming to his role. "In that case, we should start with the basics... Repeat after me; 'Je m'appelle docteur Carter'..."</p><p>61. John listens intently to Luka, the sound of him speaking French sending a shiver through him, making it ever harder to concentrate. "Um...Ju...mapple no.... je m'appelle...doctor Carter!"</p><p>62. Luka grins, surprising himself by thinking John is very cute when he stutters. Quickly squashes the thought, trying his best to turn all of his attention back to the lesson. "Almost... I want you to say it over until the sentence doesn't start with 'um'". Hopes John takes his teasing with good humour.</p><p>63. John laughs, his eyes shining, glad he and Luka can be so comfortable around each other, feeling he might have gone mad without him around out here. "You know there is only so much ribbing of my language skills I can take!" He runs through the phrase a few times until it starts to sound almost acceptable, looking to Luka for reassurance.</p><p>64. Luka smiles apologetically, then approvingly, admiring the way the phrase starts to trip easily off John’s tongue, his pronunciation improving every time. "Very good! Now try this one; 'Vous ete malade?'"</p><p>65. John begins to pick the pronunciations up more quickly as he learns to get his tongue around them, Luka moving him onto the next phase each time he gets one right. Finds he’s quite enjoying this mini education and feels a twinge of regret as he wishes he’d been as open to Luka’s teaching methods in the beginning.</p><p>66. After a few more phrases that John soon gets the hang of, Luka decides to start on body parts. Points to his own head with a smile. "Now we should go from the top down, so; 'Tete'."</p><p>67. John smiles, thinking Luka looks quite funny, seeing he's clearly having fun teaching him such basic stuff. "Ok, 'Tete!' that one was easy, god knows what their word for pulmonary embolism is though!" Winks at Luka, figuring it's probably best he didn’t know that one.</p><p>68. Luka looks at John with a half serious expression. "You probably won't be dealing with many of them out here. Not ones we can treat, anyway…" Continues to go through parts of the body, teaching John the words for the arms and chest.</p><p>69. John's face falls at being reminded of yet another thing they're powerless against. "I guess…" Starts to find it difficult again, his mind wandering as he tries to think how he can do more, realising that even the foundation couldn't make a dent in helping, that while the war is being waged things are never going to improve.</p><p>70. Luka soon realises that John's mind is somewhere else and decides to bring the lesson to a close, a little disappointed as he had been enjoying their conversation. "I think that's enough for today…" Studies John's expression, his eyes seemingly focusing on something in the middle distance. Touches his leg gently. "Are you alright, John?"</p><p>71. John sighs regretfully, his eyes coming to meet Luka's, sadness seeming to be written in them. "I guess I'm having trouble adjusting to all this... I wish I could do so much more, help with supplies, just... something more, you know?" Tries not to react to Luka's touch but all he really wants is to sink into Luka's strong arms and for everything to become ok.</p><p>72. Luka nods, holding John's gaze with a little difficulty, again seeing his emotions written so clearly on his face. "We're used to having everything to hand back at County... but here we can only work with the supplies we are given." Smiles a bit, patting John's thigh, suddenly seeming unable to stop touching him. "You do your best, and you're a great doctor, John…"</p><p>73. John warms a bit at Luka's smile, feeling his cheeks reddening as he compliments him, hoping he thinks it's the heat and wondering how he started turning into such a mess in his presence. "It's just not enough out here... can anyone ever get used to that." Grin self-deprecatingly. "I guess I've lived a very sheltered life, huh?"</p><p>74. Luka is silent for a moment, sipping his beer and considering the little he knows about John's background, and comparing it to his own. "Perhaps just a little bit sheltered, it's not your fault…" Waves a hand. "But you still came out here"</p><p>75. John gazes at Luka as he considers the information, his little silences feeling like a moment of stopped time where he can just... admire him. He smiles appreciatively at Luka's words. "Well, I've had my eyes opened now."</p><p>76. Luka smiles, thinking how glad he was that John decided to follow him, wanting to read something into it, but knowing he shouldn't, knowing that it is just John's desire to care for others that brought him out here. Another explosion from across the water shakes him out of his reverie and he tugs John's sleeve. "Let's go inside?"</p><p>77. John gets up and walks beside Luka, trying to ignore the tingles of electricity passing through him every time Luka touches him and he rests his hand on his shoulder as they walk in what he hopes is a friendly gesture, not wanting to look as desperate to touch him as he, in fact, is. "We can get some of that vile substance they call dinner around here while we're waiting for it to ease off?"</p><p>78. Luka nods, hungry after their busy day. "What do you think it’ll be today? Gravy and rice or rice and gravy?" Rests a hand at the base of John’s back as they walk towards the canteen, enjoying their closeness while he can.</p><p>79. John feels slightly weak at the knees as Luka’s hand comes to rest, and he chastises himself for feeling like a lovesick teenager, over reacting to every touch. "I’ll go out on a limb and say today it will be mainly rice with a splash of gravy." He smiles, their closeness making him want to vocalise his feelings, to talk about their kiss, but can’t quite summon up the nerve.</p><p>80. Luka laughs as they enter the virtually empty canteen, reluctantly letting John go to pick up trays for them both. "Let’s see, shall we?" Lifts the lids of the two pans. "Well, it seems you were right!"</p><p>81. John peers into the pan, shaking his head amusedly. "How do I do it?" Starts dishing some out and gives it to Luka before serving himself some. They move over to a table and he realises he shouldn’t put it off any longer. "I… er… about last night… I’m really sorry for shouting at you, I shouldn’t have taken my own stupid problems out on you. So, yeah, I’m an ass… I guess you were right about me all along." Can’t quite meet Luka’s eyes.</p><p>82. Luka’s smile fades at John’s words, having vainly hoped that they wouldn’t have to have this conversation. "You’re not an ass, John…" Moves his rice about on his plate awkwardly. "I- I told you it was alright". His smile returns slightly, wanting once more to reassure John. "We kissed and made out."</p><p>83. John chuckles, partly warmed by the sentiment and partly amused by Luka’s slightly wrong turn of phrase, finding it adorable. "I guess we did! I shouldn’t have sprung that on you either… though I have to admit I’m glad I did…" Feels his stomach knot, scared he’s going to send Luka running away, knowing his words will show he meant it as more than just a friend.</p><p>84. Luka keeps his gaze fixed on his plate, his heart starting to race, still trying not to let himself believe that there is anything deeper to John’s words. "I’m glad you did too. It showed me you weren’t mad at me any more." Feels his leg brush John’s under the table and freezes.</p><p>85. John's heart sinks as he feels Luka freeze at the slightest touch and he moves his rice around on his plate, it now looking even more inedible. He rubs his temples, feeling like he's taken complete leave of his senses as he mumbles. "I *had* sort of hoped it would tell you a bit more than that…"</p><p>86. Luka is quiet for a long time, tapping his fork on his plate as he tries to think of something to say. His stomach churns, John’s words filling him with hope and fear at the same time. "John…"</p><p>87. John finally looks up from the table to see Luka's expression and upon seeing the fear darting about his face he feels a telltale lurch in his stomach, realising he's probably blown any respect for him Luka had. He stands, clearing his plate as quick as he can as the sickness threatens to overtake him. He manages to mumble a quick "I'm sorry" before speeding away to the bathroom, his gut wrenching violently.</p><p>88. Luka just blinks as John suddenly flees from the table towards the bathroom, not having expected such a reaction. Pushes his own plate aside and stands, hating the idea that John might think he's angry or upset with him. Goes to pour a glass of water for him and makes his way to the bathroom, knocking on the door and walking in before John can stop him.</p><p>89. John looks up like a rabbit caught in headlights as Luka walks in on him kneeling on the bathroom floor trying to get himself together and he doesn't quite know what to do, the further indignity of Luka seeing him in an advanced state of nausea almost making his stomach misbehave again and he laughs to himself self deprecatingly. "I haven't done that in years... but then I haven't screwed anything up this badly in years…" Looks plaintively at Luka, trying to read his expression, to see if the old animosity has returned in his eyes, or whether it's just pity.</p><p>90. Luka closes the door behind him and goes to join John kneeling on the floor by the toilet, his heart going out to him as he sees the state he's in, feeling a strong pang of guilt from the knowledge that he caused this. Hands John the glass of water. "Drink this…" Rubs John's back as he drinks, hoping that his nausea is fading as he does so, his own thoughts and feelings in a mess that he doesn't want to unpick just yet, for the moment just acting on impulse.</p><p>91. John continues to search Luka's expression, trying to process the meaning behind his words, his touch managing to be both soothing and unsettling as he fights for a grip on the situation. He takes the water, taking a large sip, the clarity of the liquid seeming to almost have an effect on his senses and he realises Luka isn't running away. As he contemplates this his eyes remain fixed on him, his search for answers giving way to admiration.</p><p>92. Luka looks away, unable to hold John's intense gaze any longer, suddenly unsure as to what he should do next, but glad he's managed to remove the scared look from John's eyes. Takes a deep breath after a moment, calming himself enough to look at John again. Smiles slightly and leans forward, kissing him on the temple for a couple of seconds, wanting to linger but knowing he shouldn't. "Better?"</p><p>93. John feels an entirely different feeling in his stomach as it flutters as Luka kisses his head and his eyes close as if he's trying to freeze time, wanting to feel Luka's lips against his skin forever. "A little…" Inwardly adds 'and probably a little more confused' to his words, wondering if he'll ever figure Luka out, trying to decipher whether his all too short kiss means his feelings are in any way reciprocated and he decides to wait, let Luka make any next move so that if he doesn't, maybe their friendship can still be salvaged.</p><p>94. Luka pulls away, wondering if it was a good idea to kiss John when he's still clearly shaken up, wondering if he'll interpret it as friendly, or as something else entirely. Stands up, wanting to stay with John until he is completely well again, but not wishing to make him feel uncomfortable, feeling a need to go and think about what he's doing, wanting to understand his own feelings. "Well... I'll, um, see you later"</p><p>95. As the door closes behind Luka, John closes his eyes and leans his head against the wall, a million thoughts running around his mind, the more he tries to decipher Luka’s actions the more confused he gets until he eventually forces himself to leave the bathroom, retiring to his room for yet another restless night.</p><p> </p><p>The next day…</p><p> </p><p>96. As they help the last couple of patients onto the truck, carrying those who cannot walk, Luka hears another truck approaching them at speed. Looks in the direction of the sound, a feeling of apprehension changing to dread as he sees the mai mai driving towards them.</p><p>97. John's first warning of what is to come is when he sees the look on Luka's face, seeing fear in his eyes. Before he knows it the mai mai have descended upon them and they push them to the ground, making them put their hands behind their heads. John's heart pounds hard in his chest, feeling like it might explode through his ribs, the sweat on his brow no longer from the heat, but from fear as they make their threats in a language he can't fully understand.</p><p>98. Luka swallows hard, wishing he wasn't so far away from John, looking over at him as he hears Charles trying to explain as clearly as possible who they are and what they are doing while a gun is pointed at his head. Looking over at the gang leader, he sees that the information doesn't seem to be sinking in, so he tries himself, repeating the name of their organisation. His breath catches in his throat, fear and adrenaline rushing through him as the muzzle of the gun is pressed against his own forehead.</p><p>99.John watches the drama unfold, his eyes wide with puzzlement and fear, glancing over to Luka, fearing as much for his safety as his own. As the mai mai soldiers round upon Luka he feels tears sting his eyes which snap shut, unable to watch any longer as they hold the gun to L’s head, feeling himself trembling as he wishes he were a religious man, wishing he could somehow pray his way out of this, knowing anything else he could think of would be futile.</p><p>100. Luka tries not to show his emotions as the gun is removed from his head, relief only briefly flooding through him before being replaced again by dread, looking around to check on Gillian. He watches the soldiers walk over to the truck, inspecting the terrified patients, then suddenly dragging the soldier they had treated earlier from his stretcher, ignoring his shouts. Fixes his gaze on John, wanting to somehow reassure him. </p><p>101. John barely has the chance to register his relief as the soldiers take the gun from Luka’s head before it is pressed hard against his own head. He can feels himself shaking, afraid even this will make them shoot. Tries to decipher the conversation but can only pick out a few words, not even able to see them because of the blinding sun. He looks to Luka almost for reassurance, at that moment certain it will be the last time he sees him.</p><p>102. Luka can only look on in horror as the gun is pointed at John, barely hearing the shouting soldiers as panic wells up inside him. Gradually realises that they are talking about the young man that John tried so desperately to save, and this gives him hope, thinking that they wouldn't shoot a doctor so willing to try and help everyone, no matter what side they are on. Realises he has been holding his breath as he lets out a long sigh of relief as the soldier leaves John alone.</p><p>103. John's breath seems to catch in his chest, as if even the air in his lungs is scared to come out, the fear and the pain of having the gun pressed into his head making him rigid. Eventually, the soldiers let him go, apparently in thanks for him trying to save their brother. He almost cries with relief until shock takes him over as they shoot some of the patients, coldly and right in front of his eyes. As quickly as they arrived they were suddenly gone, but John finds himself frozen to the spot, trying to somehow come to terms with what has just happened and he sobs dryly, so overwrought with emotion that tears refuse to come.</p><p>104. Luka waits until he is sure that the mai mai have gone, his heart still pounding hard in his chest as the fear is slowly quelled, sickened by the shootings. Everyone else gradually disperses, but as he watches, John stays where he is, as if too shocked to even move. Walks over to him, extending a hand for him to pull himself up, wanting to comfort him as he sees just how upset he is.</p><p>105. John takes deep breaths, trying to stop his heart almost leaping out of his chest, wanting to lose his grip on reality as reality seems so harsh to him. It takes a while before he even notices Luka at his side and he looks up to him, looking deep into his eyes, seeing the same pain and disgust he's feeling. He takes the hand offered and stands slowly, still utterly speechless.</p><p>106. Luka sighs, knowing that nothing he might say will make John feel any better, but tries anyway, squeezing his hand as he tries to smile, fighting the urge to simply wrap John up in his arms. "Let’s go for a walk?"</p><p>107. John nods non-commitally, following Luka blindly, reluctant to let go of his hand, feeling as though that's the only thing keeping him upright, the combination of shock and heat making him feel weak and dizzy. "Ok…"</p><p>108. Luka nods and slowly leads John past the clinic and back towards the quiet, calm lake, finding John a shady spot to sit down before he falls down. Waits until John feels comfortable enough to speak again. </p><p>109. John slumps against a tree, resting his head on the cool bark as he slowly lets everything sink in. After a few long moments he looks to Luka, finally trusting his voice enough to speak without cracking. "At County we see people roll in every day after being wounded mindlessly, and after the first hundred or so, you become shielded to it... But that... seeing a gun held to the head of someone you... care about... nothing can prepare you for that"</p><p>110. Luka looks at John, understanding completely, his heart heavy. "I know what it’s like to see people you are close to getting hurt when you are powerless to stop it…" Touches the red mark on John’s forehead carefully. "You might get a little bruise." Cradles J’s head in his hands and kisses the mark softly.</p><p>111. John closes his eyes, the tenderness of Luka’s touch comforting him, though in the back of his mind he wishes Luka wouldn't be so tactile, so adorable when his feelings and intentions differ from what he dreams. Nevertheless, he finds himself staying close, smoothing down Luka's hair, his voice cracking with emotion. "If they had... hurt you, I don't-" Can't find the words, the thought of the world without Luka too harrowing to even consider.</p><p>112. Luka finds himself leaning into John’s touch almost unconsciously, luxuriating in his caress, John’s broken words affecting him deeply. Finds he cannot resist another kiss any longer, and leans even closer to press his lips gently to John’s, his nerve endings tingling, hoping he won’t pull away.</p><p>113. John thinks he should pull away before he lets himself get carried away and make a fool of himself once more. Can’t bring himself to break the contact and he finds himself sliding his arms around Luka, holding him as he presses his lips hard against Luka’s, his relief that they are now safe all flooding out into their kiss.</p><p>114. Luka feels his heart soar as John wraps his arms around him, taking it as his cue to slides his own hands from the back of John’s head to his waist, drawing him in as close as possible. Tilts his head, deepening the kiss, a shiver running through him.</p><p>115. John allows himself to be swept away by the kiss, his uncertainty about Luka's intentions melting away as each moment passes and the kiss only gets more intense. He shivers as a tingle runs down his spine, feeling the warmth of L's skin pressing closely against him through his shirt.</p><p>116. Luka smiles into the kiss, feeling John relaxing in his arms, unable to resist nibbling softly on John’s lower lip before gently pulling away. Catches his breath and keeps John close before whispering. "I’ve been wanting to do that for a while…"</p><p>117. John feels a whimper rise from his throat as Luka nibbles his lip, unconsciously leaning closer as Luka pulls away, his eyes still closed as he gets his breath back, letting it all sink in. He looks to Luka, at first confused by his words but then a smile takes him over and he finds his voice once more. "So why didn't you?"</p><p>118. Luka smiles wryly, one hand sliding up to rest at the back of John's neck. "Well, until the other day I thought you'd much rather punch me than kiss me…" shrugs little, trying to hide his nervousness. "And- and I was unsure of my own feelings…"</p><p>119. John smiles awkwardly, his cheeks flushing as he remembers their past, realising how much of it was caused by his own confusion. "Ok, I guess that means it's my fault!" Smiles apologetically, his hands slowly running over Luka's chest, just wanting to touch him. "It goes to show you've been confusing the hell outta me for a long time…" Kisses Luka again, this time with confidence borne of the certainty that Luka will push him away no longer.</p><p>120. Luka tries to protest - wanting to tell John that it is not his fault, that if anything, they are equally to blame for their past - wanting to know just how long he has kept his feelings secret from him - wanting to know if this revelation will be forgotten about once they return to County... but all these thoughts slowly fade and become nonexistent as John kisses him again boldly, his skin tingling in the wake of his touch. Sighs softly, slowly stroking John's neck, his other hand resting at J's waist.</p><p>121. John feels lighter than air, his stomach flipping elatedly as Luka's hands rest upon him, the mere fact that they are, at last, Luka's hands touching him making him feel positively giddy. Their kiss deepens and eventually, John plucks up the courage to part his lips, letting his tongue run over Luka's soft lips.</p><p>122. Luka's hand clutches at John's hip, his stomach fluttering as he feels J's tongue seeking entrance to his mouth. Parts his lips slightly, admitting the questing tongue, feeling it caress and glide against his own.</p><p>123. John still can't quite believe what's happening as he sinks into their kiss, tasting Luka on his tongue. His hands move around Luka, almost clinging to him, the shootings all but forgotten as his emotions take over, all their past problems fading away as they make way for the affection that has been trying to show through for all these years.</p><p>124. Luka shivers as John's hands move over him, each touch leaving him wanting more. Suddenly wonders what they must look like, tangled up on the dusty ground, and pulls away a little, their lips still almost brushing as he speaks. "Um... we better go back... before we're missed"</p><p>125. John nods slightly. "You're right, we should get moving…" Catches Luka's lips in another kiss, unable to resist, only just managing to make this kiss short, an almost parting gesture as they prepare to go back to the fold. Wonders how he's going to manage to concentrate on the patients with such temptation now very much a reality.</p><p>126. Luka smiles as John sneaks in another kiss before they get to their feet, dusting down their clothes before starting to walk back to the clinic, their fingers brushing every so often. Once they have rejoined the others he is deep in thought, wondering what the evening will bring.</p><p>127. John shoots Luka a meaningful glance, his eyes brimming with affection as he goes off to see to a patient, grateful that they've not been missed even if he is already missing Luka's arms around him. Tries to throw himself into the work, wanting to put is mind off replaying the stolen moments they just shared in his head but fails, every time Luka passes his line of vision he feels a silly grin form on his face, his concentration shot to pieces.</p><p>128. Luka sits down on the bed of one of the patients, carefully checking her vitals before adjusting the drip, reassuring her gently. Looks up to see John watching him over his own patient, his heart beating a little faster as he finds himself mirroring his smile.</p><p>129. John's eyes sparkle as they meet Luka's, completely losing his thread as he explains the patient's condition to his translator for the evening. "And er-some um-amoxy-er-cillin." Struggles to make eye contact with the patient, unable to keep his eyes away from Luka, vaguely wondering if he was this bad before he knew his feelings were returned.</p><p>130. Luka just about manages to tear his gaze away from John as he talks to the mother of a child with malaria, getting the nurse to bring more antibiotics. Has to make a conscious effort to keep his mind on explaining the treatment, John's presence affecting him more than ever.</p><p>131. The sun seems to take forever to set as John trudges along trying in vain to help people, feeling guilty that his mind isn’t on the job. He eventually manages to get all his patients comfortable and escapes to the lounge. When he sees he’s alone, he sits at the table, sipping from a bottle of coke, unable to wipe the smile from his face.</p><p>132. Luka watches as John leaves the ward, guessing he's on his way to the lounge. Manages to turn his full attention back to his restless patient, finally settling him down for the night. Hesitates for a moment before going to join John, feeling strangely nervous.</p><p>133. John's heart skips a beat as Luka enters the lounge and he grins uncontrollably. "Hey…" Finds himself feeling slightly nervous, becoming irrationally paranoid that Luka will have changed his mind, that their stolen moments were a mistake, that he was just blowing off steam after their brush with death.</p><p>134. Luka smiles and gets his own drink before going to sit next to John at the table, feeling his skin tingle just from being close to him. Marvels at how just a few words have seemed to have turned their relationship completely around. Takes a deep breath, letting it out as he opens his bottle. "Hey…"</p><p>135. John rubs his brow with the back of his hand. "Thank god it finally calmed down out there, I think I may have keeled over given a few more minutes!" Wants to take Luka's hand but hesitates, still unsure despite his need to touch him, especially as the others will be along soon. Settles for resting his knee against Luka's, his skin burning at even this slight, almost chaste contact.</p><p>136. Luka is caught between relief and uncertainty as John makes small talk, hesitantly pressing against John's touch, wanting more. "I hope we don't get any more casualties overnight, because I-" Stops short as the door opens.</p><p>137. John leans closer to Luka, his voice lowering conspiratorially as Gillian walks in, his eyes flitting to her, checking that she's paying them no heed, thinking she's the last person who should know about them. "Maybe we should go somewhere we can talk?"</p><p>138. Luka moves away from John a little, sipping his drink in a nonchalant manner as he sees that it is Gillian, a strange mixture of feelings flooding through him. Whispers back. "I think that would be best…" Wonders what John has in mind.</p><p>139. John panics a little, looking around for somewhere private, worried that to suggest his bedroom would be too presumptuous even though he longs to be somewhere where he can hold Luka and not have to let go. "Um, ok, it’s your call." Smiles to try and disguise his nerves, knowing he’s probably failing miserably.</p><p>140. Luka looks around the small lounge as it quickly begins to fill up. "Why don't we go to your room? I don't think we'll get any privacy here…" Bites his lip as he realises how that must sound.</p><p>141. John nods, his stomach flipping at the thought, his main concern that he won’t be able to resist kissing Luka for long enough for them to actually talk. His fears are founded when he sees Luka's nervous expression, his slight blush reminding him just how he managed to start falling for him despite his best efforts to the contrary and it's all he can do not to kiss him right there in the lounge. "Ok... in that case, I should slink away first." He shoots a sly smile at Luka before making a show of being tired, his voice becoming louder as he announces, seemingly to Luka. "I should hit the hay... goodnight." He stands to leave, resting a hand briefly on Luka's shoulder as he heads off, partly to show companionship and partly as he can't resist even the mildest excuse to touch him.</p><p>142. Luka looks up as John goes to leave, glad of the touch but confused by his words, muttering "Hay...?" to himself questioningly as John walks off. Shakes his head and looks down at his bottle, picking distractedly at the label, wondering how long he should wait before following and worrying that he won't know what to say to John once he gets to his room. Tries to relax in his seat for the next few minutes but can't, feeling too apprehensive about what the night will bring.</p><p>143. John closes his door carefully when he gets to his room, feeling incredibly nervous. Starts tidying pointlessly, just to keep him from worrying, not knowing what to do or say anymore, scared of overstepping the mark once more. He flattens his bed sheets before going to sit down, rumpling them again as he gets comfortable, resting against the headboard, his crossed arms resting on his knees, feeling so nervous he contemplates telling Luka it was a mistake, that he thinks he's coming down with malaria, anything just to make it less difficult, knowing he'll have to explain how this has happened after they were virtual enemies for so long.</p><p>144. Luka fidgets in his seat as he waits, tearing his gaze from the table top in time to see Gillian look over at him, a meaningful glint in her eyes. Taking this as his signal to leave, he abandons his drink and exits the lounge. His heart thuds in his chest as he finds John's door and knocks quietly before opening it, his heart then sinking a little as he sees John curled up in a defensive position. Closes the door and walks forward tentatively. "Hi…"</p><p>145. John quickly unfolds himself, his long legs stretching out on the bed, his ankles crossed, still a little awkward despite the smile that lights up his face as soon as he sees Luka, thinking how many times he's wished Luka would sneak into his room over the last few days. "Hi…" Realises it's best to be totally honest even if it is embarrassing. "I um, I gotta admit, as much as I want to be with you... I'm a little scared... everything's changing"</p><p>146. Luka pulls up the chair from the corner of the room, wanting to sit close to John, but thinking joining him on the bed would be a bad idea. Lets John's words slowly sink in, a little smile on his face, despite not quite being able to meet John's gaze. "I- I know what you mean... but it is changing for the good, yes?"</p><p>147. John smiles widely, shifting to face Luka. "Yeah!" Feels his nerves begin to ease, Luka’s smile rubbing easily off on him until he is positively beaming, shaking his head lightly. "I never thought you'd even want to look at me again after yesterday... I thought I’d be going back to Chicago tomorrow to pine after you some more!"</p><p>148. Luka looks down for a moment, hiding his slight frown as he forces himself not to ask the question 'What about Abby?'. Despite everything he realises that he can't remember ever seeing John so happy, feeling his stomach flutter a little with the knowledge that he has somehow caused it. Allows himself a small smile. "You've been... pining... after me?"</p><p>149. John feels his face flush once more and he looks away, coyly looking back again and rubbing his brow awkwardly. "Er, sort of…" Tries to change the subject but gets more flustered. "I should...open the window!"</p><p>150. Luka laughs softly at John's flustered behaviour, trying to quell his surprise and excitement at his newest admission. Joins John at the window, standing behind him just as he opens it, letting in a warm breeze. "It is pretty hot in here…"</p><p>151. John stays close to Luka, turning to slip his arms around his waist, wanting more than anything just to hold him for a while. "Why didn't we do this years ago? It probably would've saved everyone a lot of heartache" Smiles despite the truth of his words, forcing his worries about hurting Abby even more to the back of his mind.</p><p>152. Luka tenses for a moment as John wraps his arms around him, quickly relaxing enough to put his own arms around John, drawing him in a little closer, enjoying the warmth of his skin despite the heat. "I don't know... I suppose neither of us knew what we wanted…" Smiles wryly. "And it took nearly getting shot to find out." Knows this isn't strictly true, his feelings about John having been confused for a while. Almost kisses him again but manages to stop himself, not wanting to rush anything.</p><p>153. John smiles too, silently wishing that it really had taken him that long to realise he wanted Luka, or that he's known all along for that matter, cursing himself for so much wasted time. "Surely banging our heads together would have done, huh?" Shocks himself that he can make such a comment so soon after what happened, or at all and boils it down to his happiness, unable to remember feeling this good about anything despite the problems it will surely cause as soon as they set foot back on American soil.</p><p>154. Luka moves a hand up, stroking the back of John's neck gently, wondering how long ago his feelings for him really began to change. "Then I would've ended up with a bruise too…" Smiles, hoping that John's words mean that he wasn't too shaken up by the earlier violent events, but can't help wanting to carry on comforting him.</p><p>155. John lets his finger skim Luka's brow where a bruise would be, gazing at him, holding back a sigh as he takes in how beautiful he is now that he no longer has to admire him from afar. "It's good they didn't, I wouldn't want anything spoiling you, except me!"</p><p>156. Luka starts to lean in to kiss John as he touches his face, but thinks better of it, knowing they are nowhere near finishing talking about their situation, feeling himself start to flush slightly under John's gaze, getting distracted by the way the dim lights outside the window reflect in John's eyes. "Um, you *want* to bruise me...?" Holds J a little tighter.</p><p>157. John pokes Luka playfully in the chest. "You know what I mean! I want to show you how special you are... but away from all this…" He frowns a little. "You know, you never did say when you were going home?"</p><p>158. Luka catches John's hand, squeezing it lightly, the smile on his face quickly fading as he is reminded of the real world waiting for him back in Chicago. "The truth? I wasn't going to go home…" Reaches up to stroke John's cheek. "Now I'm not so sure."</p><p>159. John tangles his fingers in Luka's hair, kissing him hard as if he can somehow communicate his emotions better through his lips, wanting to tell him how much he cares about him, how he wishes he never would have to let him out of his sight so he could keep him from harm but instead he just holds Luka tighter.</p><p>160. Luka murmurs low in his throat, surprised by the force of John's kiss, luxuriating in the feeling of his hands buried in his hair. Runs his own hands down John's back, letting them come to rest at his waist, enjoying the new sensations.</p><p>161. John sides his hands down Luka's arms, holding him tightly, a whimper forming in his throat as they kiss. His hands tentatively roam over Luka's body, wanting to explore all of him but still allowing nerves to restrict himself.</p><p>162. Luka shivers slightly, despite the oppressive heat of the small room, John's shy touch somehow managing to be both unnerving and comforting. Slowly starts to deepen the kiss, the feeling of John's tongue sliding against his own once more causing an involuntary sigh to escape his lips, his hands stroking the small of J's back.</p><p>163. John feels himself tremble, Luka's soft touch somehow reassuring him and making him feel safe as their kiss deepens. He feels Luka's sigh and his heart swells, helping his inhibitions to gradually ebb away so that he holds Luka tighter.</p><p>164. Luka leans into the kiss, cradling the back of John’s head to pull him closer, a sense of relief washing over him as their lips touch once more. His determination to keep talking fades as the kiss sends tingles through his skin.</p><p>163. John rests his forehead against Luka’s, his hands coming to rest at the nape of his neck. "I couldn’t live with myself if I left you here and you suffered so much as a scratch…" Cups Luka’s face in his hands and kisses him tenderly.</p><p>164. Luka pulls away gently, wanting to look into John's eyes for a moment, almost as if to check his reactions. He sees his own nervous passion reflected back at him, and he brushes a hand gently through John's hair. "This is... nice" Knows that 'nice' is an inadequate word, but realises that it is difficult to think with John's body pressed tightly against his.</p><p>165. John gazes into Luka's eyes, reassured and aroused by the passion and affection he sees and he smiles, nodding slowly as he speaks. "Very nice…" He takes Luka's hands in his own as they stand close.</p><p>166. Luka smiles and brings John's hand up to his lips, kissing his knuckles as all other thoughts leave his mind, the expression on John's face making his stomach flip over. Leans close once more, nuzzling the soft skin of John's neck.</p><p>167. John feels a tingle run down his arm as Luka kisses his fingers and he sighs happily, a warm feeling joining the tingles as Luka nuzzles him and his fingers stroke his hand softly, this small act feeling deeply intimate.</p><p>168. Luka surprises himself as he thinks he could never tire of holding John in his arms, the last of his nerves dissolving as he hears John's happy sigh. He turns his head slightly, kissing along J's jawline softly, finally kissing him on the lips again.</p><p>169. As Luka's kisses make their was over his jaw, John's nerves dissolve into passion and anticipation ands he meets Luka's kiss eagerly, his hands sliding down to cup Luka’s buttocks, pulling him close once more.</p><p>170. Luka utters a soft moan, a sharp shock of desire suddenly coursing through him as John's hands clutch at him. Feels his self control start to waver as he pushes John against the wall by the window, their kiss deep and hungry.</p><p>171. John moans, all resolve to talk things through cast aside as Luka presses him against the wall and his hands slide up Luka's waist, insinuating themselves under his shirt, a shiver passing through him as he finally touches his skin.</p><p>172. Luka feels a shiver pass through his own body, the feeling of John’s hands against his hot skin affecting him more than he thought possible. "Mmm, John…" Cradles John’s head in his hands, not wanting to let go.</p><p>173. John is taken over by pure desire when he hears the shake in Luka's voice and he kisses him deeply once more, his tongue caressing L's as his hands slides forward to tease open the buttons of his shirt, making sure he brushes the soft skin of his chest as much as possible as he goes.</p><p>174. Luka closes his eyes for a moment, hardly able to believe that John is slowly undressing him, each of his soft touches making his mind swirl. Forces himself to look at John again, wanting to remember each moment as he slides his own hands underneath John's t-shirt, caressing his skin.</p><p>175. John whimpers shakily as Luka's fingers brush his skin, his voice barely a whisper as he looks searchingly into Luka's eyes. "You're sure you want to do this?"</p><p>176. Luka doesn't give himself any time to think about John's question, only letting himself hear the soft, almost plaintive tone of his voice, the sound stirring something deep inside him. Suddenly grasps the collar of John's shirt, dragging him away from the wall to push him down onto the bed, making it squeak, joining him a moment later.</p><p>177. John's eyes widen as he lands on the bed, the sight of Luka standing over him with desire in his eyes adding potent fuel to his desire, his voice hoarse and deep. "I'll take that as a yes…" His hand reaches around Luka's neck, pulling him down for a passionate kiss.</p><p>178. Luka doesn't say anything as he straddles John's hips comfortably, squashing down the first tendrils of doubt about their situation as he kisses John hard. His hands move of their own accord, shoving up underneath John's shirt once more as their tongues battle together.</p><p>179. John moans as Luka's hands run all over him, their kiss an intense flurry of lips and tongues. He finally reaches the last button of Luka's shirt and pulls it over his shoulders, leaving his own hands free to roam over his hot skin.</p><p>180. Luka tosses his shirt across the room, his attention on John wavering for the briefest of seconds before he falls back into his ravenous exploration of John's body, John's touches sending tingles of desire through him. Pulls him up a little, tugging J's t-shirt over his head, gazing down at him for moment before leaning down to trail kisses down his neck.</p><p>181. John tangles his fingers in the back of Luka's hair, his skin seeming to burn wherever Luka's lips touch him, the whole situation feeling surreal to him after wanting it for so long.</p><p>182. Luka's gasp is muffled by John's skin as his fingers entwine in his hair, the already overwhelming combination of sensations intensified by the taste of J's skin. Unable to help himself, he runs his tongue along John's collarbone, catching a bead of sweat.</p><p>183. John moans, his head moving back, exposing more of his neck as Luka's tongue draws along his skin and he abandons himself to the sensations.</p><p>184. Luka pulls away slowly as he hears John moan and looks down at him, taking in the sight of his flushed cheeks and lust filled expression, illuminated by the moonlight shining through the open window.</p><p>185. John looks up at Luka, the look in his eyes fuelling his passion and he leans up to kiss him, rolling him over so that he's straddling him, trailing kisses down his body, his lips and hands exploring him completely.</p><p>186. Luka closes his eyes for a moment, trying to control the dizziness that is slowly enveloping him, the increasing pleasure from John's lips and fingers clouding his brain and confusing him. Manages to catch hold of John's hands, stilling them as he catches his breath. "John…"</p><p>187. John continues to trail kisses over Luka's body as his hands are precluded from touching him. "Yes?" He kisses Luka's neck, his tongue darting out, tasting the beads of sweat forming on his skin.</p><p>188. Luka lets go of one of John's hands to cradle his head instead, urging him to look up, instantly missing his kisses as he does so. "Um... I think we should stop…" Despite his words, he wishes they could lose themselves in each other, and not care about the consequences.</p><p>189. John's face falls and he feels the colour drain from his face, thinking Luka has realised they're making a big mistake, even though to him it feels like their only mistake has been to take so long to realise their feelings. "Oh…" He is lost for words, his heart telling him to scream 'no', to never stop kissing him.</p><p>190. Luka bites his lip worriedly, wondering how to explain that despite wanting John more than anything at that point, he knows that if they take it any further it will cause far too much heartbreak. "I'm sorry…" Strokes John's cheek softly before sitting up a little, trying his best to ignore the desire still building inside him. "I don't think we should do this... Not here."</p><p>191. John leans into Luka's caress, confused at the conflicting messages Luka's words and Luka's body are sending him. Luka, I…" He stops short, wondering how to explain that not only does he not want to stop now, but ever without sounding to needy, too intense, and the more he tries the more confused he gets, all the fight draining out of him. "I don't understand…"</p><p>192. Luka feels his insides twist painfully as looks at John, feeling horribly aware of how much he must be confusing and hurting him, but telling himself it's for the best. "It- it's not the right time for us... We've had a stressful day." Forces himself to pull away from John and stands up. "It'd be a mistake…"</p><p>193. John sits up, feeling completely vulnerable as Luka seems to be trying to leave. "A mistake?" Feels his stomach tie itself in knots, paranoid that Luka is somehow trying to prove a point by hurting him, his rationality once again dissolving into the ether.</p><p>194. Luka rubs his eyes tiredly, forcing himself to sit back down at the edge of the bed despite just wanting to escape from all the tension. "Yes, a mistake… there’s not enough time." Looks up at John, willing him to understand, wanting to reach out for him.</p><p>195. John can’t hide his relief when Luka sits back down, resting a hand on his shoulder, his voice almost pleading. "It wouldn’t be a mistake to me…"</p><p>196. Luka shivers slightly at John’s touch, but shakes his head firmly. "It would be for all the wrong reasons" Turns to face John, his resolve almost breaking as he sees J’s pleading expression, and reaches out to gently brush back his hair.</p><p>197. John finally sees what Luka is getting at and he sits a little closer, taking his hand. "Luka, you may only have wanted this because we’re out here, or because we nearly got killed today, but I don’t… You think I would have dropped everything to come to war zone if I didn’t have feelings for you? Not to mention making a fool of myself these last few days…"</p><p>198. Luka swallows hard, trying to quell the guilt rising up inside him, John’s words bringing home to the reality of his recent behaviour. Squeezes J’s hand, wanting to believe his admission of feelings, but still holding back. "You haven’t made a fool of yourself…" Smiles awkwardly. "I’m glad you’re here with me"</p><p>199. John smiles, moving a little closer again, no longer afraid of being pushed away, Luka's almost apologetic smile as they begin to understand each other's intentions replenishing his confidence. "That's all I want, to be with you. It's not just about sex, it's about being close to you…" He cups Luka's hand in his own tightly.</p><p>200. Luka's smile widens as he realises that he and John are finally agreeing on something for once. Untangles his hand from John's and instead wraps his arms around him, urging him back down onto the bed and lying down next to him.</p><p>201. John happily lays down next to Luka, smoothing his hair down and kissing his forehead tenderly, glad they seem to have come to an understanding. "And you’re right, we have had a horrible day, I wouldn’t want what happened today to spoil the memory of our first night together…"</p><p>202. Luka closes his eyes as John kisses him, the tender touch sending tingles down his spine. Feels a great need to stay wrapped up with J on the little bed, despite the oppressive heat. "No... me neither…" Secretly starts to worry about what John really wants from him, and whether he'll be able to provide it or not once they're back in Chicago.</p><p>203. John smiles, closing his eyes and holding Luka close, not daring to let go in case he can never hold him again, his mind still wandering to the worry that Luka might want to forget this happened at all.</p><p>204. Luka reaches out blindly, stroking John's cheek for a moment before resting a hand at the nape of his neck, wanting to make sure he stays close throughout the night. Starts to enjoy the silence between them, feeling somehow comforted just by J's embrace regardless of all the still unanswered questions.</p><p>205. John feels safe and secure in Luka’s arms as he seems to lock him into place as close as two people could be. He rest a hand at the small of Luka’s back, their foreheads touching. "Come with me… back to Chicago?"</p><p>206. Luka tilts his head a little and touches his lips gently to John's without opening his eyes and whispers "I will..." before he can stop himself. Hides his surprise at his own words and resists the urge to backpedal, guessing that deep down he must want to go home, with John by his side.</p><p>207. John’s stomach flutters at Luka’s feather light kiss. "I know it sounds selfish, but I really want us to work things out away from all this, where we can think straight…" starts to feel excited about going home now that he knows Luka will be by his side.</p><p>208. Luka strokes John's neck softly, opening his eyes for a moment to take in his happy expression "It's not selfish... we'll work everything out…" Swallows hard, already feeling nervous about talking through their confused emotions.</p><p>209. John feels a warm tingle flow down his body as Luka strokes his neck, making him feel so content he closes his eyes, snuggling into Luka, his eyelids starting to become heavy. "Mmm… we’ll be fine… more than fine…"</p><p>210. Luka listens as John's soft breaths become slower as he falls asleep, and feels a sudden rush of emotions for him, and whispers "Goodnight John." Nuzzles his head into the pillow, feeling himself start to fall asleep.</p><p>211. John starts to become aware of noises around him, taking a few moments to realise he’d been sleeping, his dreams having afforded him more time with Luka, the Congo transformed into an idyll. Feels Luka’s limbs wrapped around him and smiles, opening his eyes to simply watch him sleep for a moment.</p><p>212. Luka tries to resist waking as the first tendrils of consciousness invade his brain, but finds himself slowly opening his eyes and gazing at John. Smiles hesitantly, realising that he doesn't feel too awkward waking up with John, enjoying their closeness under the tangled mosquito net. "Mmm... morning…"</p><p>213. John smiles, Luka’s smile beneath tousled hair making him feel ready for anything. "Morning," he kisses Luka softly, his lips lingering for several moments, holding him closely.</p><p>214. Luka's eyes widen as the kiss ends &amp; he sees the time. "We should go…" Reluctantly slides out of bed, retrieving their clothes from the floor. Looks down at J as he hands him his shirt, wanting to ask him what he'll do when he gets home but is unsure how to phrase the question he really wants to ask.</p><p>215. John immediately misses the feel of Luka’s skin against him as he slinks away, making him wish he could simply pull him back until he catches sight of the clock and he panics, quickly pulling some clothes on. "Oh god!" Looks up to see Luka deep in thought and hopes he isn't having second thoughts yet again. "Penny for them?"</p><p>216. Luka quickly buttons his shirt, trying unsuccessfully to smooth out some of the creases, a puzzled expression taking over his face. "Hmm? Penny for what?" Smiles slightly as he watches John dress hurriedly, momentarily distracted from his more serious thoughts.</p><p>217. John smiles fondly, finding Luka’s confusion adorable. He finishes dressing and moves over to Luka, affectionately smoothing his clothes out. "Your thoughts? You looked as if you were a hundred miles away."</p><p>218. Luka hesitates, enjoying the attention for a moment, but the slight smile on his face fades. "I was wondering…" Bites his lip worriedly. "About Abby... will you go to see her?"</p><p>219. John rests his hands on Luka’s hips, his face falling at the mention of Abby, realising their next meeting will be even less happy than the last. "I-I guess…" Pauses for a second, wondering how to explain to Luka, let alone Abby but just as he goes to speak there is a loud insistent knock on the door. "Dr John, we have a critical casualty coming in, please hurry!"</p><p>220. Luka nods resignedly as John confirms his fears, and then quickly, almost guiltily extracts himself from his grip as he hears the knock at the door. Determined not to show his disappointment, he turns away from John. "You go... I'll follow in a minute"</p><p>221. John feels once again disappointed as Luka turns away from him, frustrated by his frequent fluctuations between hot and cold. He kisses Luka’s cheek almost to prove his intentions are unchanging as he heads to the door. "I’ll get this, you should go pack, we have to leave in a few hours."</p><p>222. Luka nods half-heartedly as John goes to leave, unable to meet his eye even after he kisses him. He sits in the empty room for several minutes until he forces himself to get up, a sigh escaping his lips.</p><p> </p><p>Later…</p><p> </p><p>223. After a struggle, John narrowly saves the casualty from death and he returns to his room to finish packing, stopping instead outside Luka’s room, deciding to go and see how his packing is coming along. He knocks on the door, waiting patiently for and answer.</p><p>224. Luka starts a little as the knock disturbs him from his thoughts, and instantly worries that it might be John. Tries to think up a viable excuse for the situation but gives up and sits down on his bed. "Er... come in…"</p><p>225. John smiles, his heart skipping a beat at the sound of Luka’s voice until he gets inside, the sight of Luka sitting amongst all of his things and a decidedly empty case making it sink. "You're not ready? We have to leave soon."</p><p>226. Luka swallows hard, the confusion clear in John's voice. "I'm... not coming." Doesn't look at J as he hesitantly tries to explain. "I've thought about it and there's too much to do here." Feels like kicking himself as he speaks, not wanting to admit he's avoiding the intense emotions John makes him feel.</p><p>227. John feels somewhat stung after spending the morning feeling lighter than air about the change in their relationship only to realise that Luka doesn't want them to be together enough to want to come home to safety. "Luka, I...there are four more guys coming today, they can manage and I-I don't want to leave you here, it's not safe." Tries to control the emotion in his voice but can hear it catching in his throat. </p><p>228. Luka shakes his head, not letting the dangers put him off his stubborn course. Tries his best not to be affected by the emotion in John's voice, squashing down the part of him that just wants to hold him. "I want to make sure my patients will be alright, I can't do that from the other side of the world!"</p><p>229. John resists the urge to just break down, Luka’s words telling him that he's once again pushing him away, that there'll always be a patient, a continent, anything to come between them. He wonders, more seriously this time if Luka is somehow intending to hurt him for some slight gone by. "You're never coming back, are you?"</p><p>230. Luka rubs his eyes tiredly and answers as honestly as he can, looking up at John and wishing he could make him understand his feelings and reasons. "I don't know…" Shrugs a little. </p><p>231. John's hurt begins to turn to anger as Luka seems to be taking the whole thing in his stride and he rubs his neck in frustration, trying to keep his temper in check. "So where does this leave us?"</p><p>232. Luka frowns, wondering sadly why John is referring to them in almost couple terms when he intends to go back to Abby at the next opportunity. "Well... there is no "us", is there John?"</p><p>233. John feels his blood pound in his ears and he realises he should just go before he says something he regrets. "Apparently not!" He goes to leave but pauses at the door. "You know, when I woke up with you this morning I thought 'This is it, this is what I’ve wanted all this time, something is finally going my way for a change' but it looks like I was wrong, you were just playing me for a fool…" Lowers his head as he walks away, fighting back tears.</p><p>234. Luka stands as John goes to leave, struggling to think of something to say to reassure him and make him come back but draws a blank. Realises anything he might say will probably only somehow make John more angry and sits back down dejectedly, deciding not to get up again until someone calls for him.</p><p>235. John goes back to his room and takes his anger out on his things, flinging them violently into his case, tears of frustration welling in his eyes. Eventually he closes his case and slumps onto his bed, burying his head in his hands.</p><p>236. Luka looks up as he hears a truck approach the clinic and guesses it’s time for John to leave. Opens his door and sees John retreating down the corridor with Gillian in tow.</p><p>237. John follows Gillian, nodding in all the right places despite not hearing anything she is saying, his mind still preoccupied with the situation with Luka, wondering if he'll ever see him again, and even then would they ever have another civil conversation.</p><p>238. Luka watches John and Gillian as they walk away, debating fiercely with himself as to whether he should try to speak to John once more. Waits until they have almost gone out of the door before calling. "John! Wait…"</p><p>239. John turns to see Luka coming towards him, his heart hoping he's decided to come with him after all, his brain knowing it's unlikely. Doesn't realise his voice is carrying a bitter tone until after he's spoken. "What is it?"</p><p>240. Luka frowns slightly as he hears the bitterness and resentment in those three words and he hesitates, knowing he has to somehow clear the air between them, but has no idea where to start. "Um…" Doesn't manage to get any further than that before Gillian turns and wraps her arms around him, kissing him tearfully. </p><p>241. John exhales loudly in an attempt not to lose his temper and turns to go to the car, throwing his stuff into the boot violently, throwing daggers towards Luka as he does so, unable to believe how he's behaving.</p><p>242. Luka can barely contain his dismay at Gillian's sudden clinginess, watching John out of the corner of his eye as he throws his case down, seeing how angry he is despite trying not to show it. Gently pushes Gillian away, urging her to join John in the truck, realising if there ever was a moment when could have spoken to John calmly and rationally, it is now gone. </p><p>243. John leans against the car, waiting for Gillian to get in, looking resignedly at Luka, feeling a pang of sadness in his stomach at the thought of what might have been. "So, what should I tell Weaver?"</p><p>244. Luka shrugs, a sense of helplessness washing over him as he sees John's sad expression. Tries to keep his voice as neutral as possible. "Whatever you want."</p><p>245. John feels yet more hurt by Luka’s flippancy and he bends to get in the car. "Fine. Just... don't do anything stupid." Bites his lip to keep from saying anything more, the hurt and anger inside him making him want to lash out and return that pain.</p><p>246. Luka finds himself laughing, thinking he couldn't do anything more stupid than what he is doing now, just letting John drive away and out of his life. "Like what?"</p><p>247. John slams closed the truck door, trying to calm himself down, not quite trusting himself to speak for fear of pointing out the stupidity of the situation he’s put them in. He looks back to Luka, the realisation that he’s probably losing him forever hitting him hard. "Like getting yourself killed."</p><p>248. The laughter dies in Luka's throat as John's stark words bring home the reality of the danger, and the fact he is throwing away whatever tentative feelings that have developed between them. Watches the truck drive away then slowly makes his way back to his patients with a heavy heart. </p><p> </p><p>The End</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>